Lapdog
by jato unit
Summary: one shot . slash . EdwardxJacob . It's rather humorous when a two hundred something pound wolf gets the idea that it's a twenty pound lapdog. Well, that is unless you're the one being sat upon.


**AN:** Okay. This totally hit me when I was walking my Coco-babe and I decided that I needed to write this. Really, this is a bit crackish, but whatever. It's fun, so why am I complaining. By the way, I swear I have written something that is BellaxEdward, but I don't like it enough to post it so nyah! -sticks out tongue-

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

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**.lapdog. **

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Edward let out a sigh as he plopped down on the couch, thankful that the school day was finally over. Really, teachers knew how to put even the undead to sleep – if he could fall sleep then he would've. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, gold eyes memorizing every little bump and imperfection in the paint, which in some places was cracked ever so slightly. However, this house – Jacob's house – was an old one according to the werewolf, who had proudly shown the vampire around much to the discontentment of his father, Billy Black.

Although Jacob's father's initial reaction had been far from positive, the man soon got used to the vampire's presence and seemed to tolerate it as long as Jacob and Edward didn't start sucking each other's faces off in his presence – that was a big no-no! In any case, Edward was free to roam around the Black household whenever he pleased as long as he didn't break anything – Jacob did enough of that with his untimely transformations – or track mud all over the place. Also, Edward discovered that coming in covered in blood wasn't such a good thing either as both of the Black males would start to fuss – Jacob over Edward and Billy over his clean floors, which hadn't really been that clean in the first place.

It was thanks to this new – three months old was still relatively new – run of the house that Edward was sitting on the couch staring up at the ceiling, waiting for Jacob to return from whatever he was up to.

The vampire thought he was close to dying from boredom when he heard the door creak open and slam shut soon afterwards. Then came the sound of nails clicking across the hardwood floor. He immediately perked up, brushing his bronze hair out of his eyes to peer at the living room's entryway. The smell of wolf – a very familiar wolf – hit his nose fast and hard. Within mere seconds he knew who had just stepped into the house: the one and only Jacob Black.

The clicking grew louder and louder still until a giant brown wolf padded into the room, pink tongue hanging out in a rather adorable fashion. When its dark eyes fixed upon the seated vampire, its tail began to wag furiously as it bounded over to Edward.

Now, usually when a two-hundred-something pound wolf was hurtling towards you then you'd move out of the way, but not Edward. He was perfectly comfortable at his current location and Jacob wasn't going to make him move. Plus he knew that Jacob would never hurt him. Well, intentionally at least, though it would be pretty hard to hurt Edward. Period.

"Hey, Jacob," Edward said with a small wave as the Jacob-wolf skidded to a stop in front of him. Both seemed pleased to see each other. Jacob yipped in reply, earning a chuckle from Edward.

The vampire had gotten used to Jacob's wolf-speak, which was actually quite simple when divided into two categories. Growls equal bad emotions. The rest equals good. So in short, avoid inciting any growls.

Deciding to spoil the other with a bit of attention, Edward reached out and scratched Jacob behind the ears, causing the tail to wag even faster. A grin appeared on the elder male's face. He didn't need Jasper's powers to see that the other was extremely excited, closing in on the point where it fell under the 'hyper' category.

"Well, we're excited today," Edward said with a laugh, letting his hand fall away as it had grown tired from scratching. Of course, Jacob would have none of that and pushed against the resting hand with his wet nose, causing Edward to make a face and jerk his hand away, holding it up in the air.

"No more petting. My hand's tired," he protested, "Now stop putting your snot all over me."

A low growl escaped the discontent wolf as it glared up at Edward, fur standing up, ears falling back. However, the vampire was not swayed by this in the least. Jacob decided that he'd just have to take another route at getting the attention he craved – and deserved in his opinion. A plan was quickly formulated in his head. It was a simple one, but a plan nonetheless and it was about to be set into motion.

Jacob swiftly placed both of his large paws on Edward's thighs, which made the other boy raise his eyebrows in question. Then the werewolf swiftly pushed himself up into the vampire's lap, letting out a happy bark as Edward let out a grunt at the sudden weight upon him.

"Great. My two-hundred-something pound boyfriend suddenly thinks he's a twenty-pound lapdog," he muttered, trying to move his legs into a more comfortable position, but Jacob's weight made it impossible. "Damn. You're heavy."

Ignoring Edward's words, Jacob began to lick Edward's face, causing the vampire to spluttered and squirm about. The brunette pleaded with the other to stop, however, Jacob was in no mind to stop just yet. This was far too entertaining and he couldn't believe that he hadn't thought of it before.

However, Jacob soon decided to spare the vampire – after the boy's face was completely covered in wolf slobber of course – and ceased licking him. Edward immediately took the opportunity to wipe his face off on his sleeve, muttering unintelligibly under his breath.

"Ew. Wolf drool," he grumbled, making a face. The weight upon him suddenly shifted, growing lighter.

"You never complained before when I licked you," Jacob murmured, grinning at the other boy. Edward blinked, staring at the Jacob he saw most often – the more human one – with a dumbstruck expression. It took him a few moments to register the change and the fact that the other was sitting naked upon his lap. His eyes began to wander of there own accord and Jacob noticed it – taking great pride in it as well. Really, he had no shame.

"Like what you see?" the werewolf teased, leaning forwards. Edward let out a laugh.

"What? Oh. There's nothing here that I haven't seen," he said with a smirk. Jacob frowned and hit him playfully on the head.

"Ass," he muttered, eyes narrowing.

"Yes, your ass is quite nice," Edward replied with a wry smile, which made Jacob lapse into a pleased silence, which lasted for quite a bit. During this momentary pause Edward decided to let his eyes wander a bit more. Well, until Jacob's voice drew him back to reality.

"... You know, Edward," Jacob began, a sly smile upon his face, "I really can be a lapdog." He grinned and tapped the boy's nose. Edward was caught in a moment of surprise, eyebrows up, mouth open ever so slightly in surprise.

"Mm. I don't think I believe you Jacob," the vampire finally replied with a sigh, feigning disinterest for a moment before smirking. He let his hand cup the werewolf's cheek as he leaned forwards, their lips nearly touching. "How about you prove it?"

The two boys grinned.

In short, when Billy Black came home later than evening he nearly had a heart-attack from what he saw in the living room and if he hadn't fainted then Jacob would've been as good as grounded. After all, if kissing was prohibited then fornicating with one's boyfriend in the middle of the living room most certainly was.

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**AN:** Yes. I suppose I kept this rather tame considering. Anyways, review?


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